Because I want to
by RosePetal7
Summary: Follow-up to "Karma to Burn." Nick's there to comfort Sara when she needs it...Now a multi-chapter story. There's communication between Sara and Gil. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Present season. I guess it's a follow-up for the first episode "Karma to Burn." It's about time Gil comes home! This is the season, I can feel something brewing in my bones. Or at least I hope for an appearance. Do not own CSI. Only this idea. Enjoy :)**

"Because I want to"

Nick was headed towards the break-room when he saw the door ajar. Seeing as a light was on, he stuck his head in, "Hello?" Sara was facing away from him, her head in her hands. "Sar?" Her shoulders instantly tensed and he could just make out a sniffle. She dabbed her eyes as she turned around.

"Nick...I uh thought everyone left. What are you doing here?"

He pointed towards the break-room. "I forgot my jacket. Are you ok?" Streaks of mascara and smudged eyeliner were hard to conceal.

"I'm fine. God, I don't understand why you had to come in here." Fresh tears were on the brim of falling. "You know, I'm able to go home at night and cry freely without anyone barging in on me!" Sara huffed in utter despair. "Can you just go?" She pleaded with him.

"Sara—" Nick made his way to her side. He attempted to hug her but she pushed him away.

"No—no. Please go. I don't want to talk about this." With both hands, she tried shoving him to the side. After that failed, she tried running into him, hoping to break free.

"Come on, sweetie, talk to me. I'm not letting you go like this. Something's not just fine." Nick held her firmly by the shoulders. His eyes pleaded with hers. She gasped. The tears that were threatening to fall made their way down her cheeks. As her body gave way, she fell into Nick. He caught her and squeezed with all his might. He could feel her heart beating a mile a minute. Her gasps turned to sobs as her tears continued to fall. He rubbed her back until her breathing calmed and she leaned back in her chair.

"I'm sorry," she said. He handed her some tissues. She nodded her head in acknowledgement. Her eyes darted away from his and he thought it was best to shut the door and pull over a chair.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm glad you let it out. I knew you weren't ok from the moment I walked in the room. Now really, what was that about crying at night? You're missing him a lot, aren't you?"

"What do you think?" She snapped. After a sniffle, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with me—"

"This isn't dealing," He took her hand. "We're a family. This is because I want to."

This caused Sara to smile. "Thank you. It's just I do, I do miss him terribly."

"Have you been crying every night, though?"

"No, just, you know after some long nights where I don't get a lot of sleep. Or the nights where I don't get any because of a double or triple. It's those nights where leaving here to go home to an empty house isn't the least bit appealing."

"What brought this on?" Nick gestured to the way Sara was hunched in her chair, head back in her hands. At this, she straightened up.

"I guess it was the recent case. I don't know. It got me thinking how much I hurt Gil and you guys when I left. But at the time I felt I had no choice, though I clearly made one. I had to get out of here and clear my head. And I eventually came back. But...Gil's been gone for years. The past two and a half years it's been seeing each other once or twice a month. Almost three years, Nick! You _know_ I went with him because I love him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I'm so, _so _happy he's doing what he's wanted to do. I just thought it would be a year or so then we'd end up back here. Like getting it out of his system, you know?"

Nick was shell-shocked. Sara was a private person to begin with—an even more private person where Gil was concerned. He'd never heard this much come out of her mouth at once. Ever. Except for last week when she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. He leaned back and she continued.

"And this, Vegas, with you guys, is our home. I couldn't imagine moving. It wouldn't be the same. I'm truly happy here with everyone. My dream job. I've never had an interest in teaching or anything like that. We've lost too many over the years. I couldn't put you through me leaving again." She finally paused for a much-needed breath. "I can't live like this anymore, Nicky. I'd hate to crush Gil's dreams, but I was alone for far too long. It took me years to break though to him. He was an emotionally unavailable man." Sara could recall what Catherine's reaction had been concerning Gil's mother. "We finally got together, but at times, when I'm crying, it feels like all we've worked for is gone. I miss him. I want to spend more than three days with him during the holidays!" The pools in her eyes were growing. She snatched a tissue from her desk and swiped her eyes. "I don't want to sound selfish, but I need him." She blew her nose. "Geez, I must look like a drowned rat! I need a washcloth and a beer."

Nick chuckled. He took Sara's hand again and patted it. "You needed this. It's been bottled up long enough. Does Griss know how you feel? Do you know how he feels?"

Sara pondered this question for a few seconds. "He _loves_ what he's doing, he doesn't even need to tell me that—"

"What about you?"

At this point, she was twisting her wedding band. She closed her eyes and took a breath. "I've told him to go, not to let me hold him back. He deserves this. I said to go for it and I'll be here waiting and supporting him."

"So that's a no."

Sara looked at Nick. She shrugged her shoulders while shaking her head yes.

"You have to tell him. You're not being honest with yourself or him. He needs to know how this makes you feel. It's been eating you alive!"

"I know, I know." She blew out another breath. "But it's hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. For whatever reason, believe me I've tried."

"Well, that just means you got to try, try again!"

Sara stood from her chair and wrapped her arms around Nick. "Thank you. A best friend would listen because he wants to."

"I care about you like you wouldn't imagine! I would hope that you'd feel the same about me!"

Sara nudged him in the ribs. "For that, I'll talk to Gil, but there won't be any guarantees of a visit from him when he comes home!"

**Please R & R! I'd love to hear feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I figured I'd continue "Because I want to." Here's the next chapter :)**

The thought of crawling into bed left her mind when his office came into sight. Instead of heading upstairs, she swayed back and forth from her toes to the balls of her feet while contemplating her options.

After opening the door, she wandered to the bookcase in the corner and her hand slid across each book on the top shelf. _It smells like him_. She pulled out his desk chair and plopped down. Adjusting the seat caused the chair to roll a bit. She laughed at herself while pulling out her cell phone. He'd be getting up for work and she figured he'd have some time to talk. They'd usually talk to each other before she fell asleep, so he'd be expecting a call. And if he didn't get one, he'd call her. This time she was almost an hour early. Might wake him up actually...

"Good morning, honey."

He always made her grin. "Good morning, Gilbert."

"I wasn't expecting a call for another hour."

"I know," she let out a breath, "but I really wanted to talk."

"Uh oh, this doesn't sound good."

"Oh no, don't worry, everything's f-ok."

"Something's definitely not...ok. You're watching your words."

"You know me too well." Sara closed her eyes and let her mind focus. She rolled the chair so it was facing the wall. A picture of them on the sofa was staring back at her. Gil had taken the picture of them and it barely got her face. It made her smile every time she saw it.

"That I do." He paused. "What's wrong, Sara?"

Her mind replayed the earlier events. Crying in her office. Nick consoling her. Telling her it was ok and how Griss needed to know. She looked at the picture again. _We were so happy. We still can be._

"I haven't been feeling well lately. I was um caught by Nick, crying in my office."

"Why were you crying?" His words were ever so gentle.

No tears, she told herself. "I...I miss you. I've been missing you very much. And I really don't like our current situation. I used to like it—I mean it worked for us, but now I'm sick of it. I can't live like this anymore. I know you love what you're doing and don't get me wrong I cherish what we have when we're together—"

"Honey?"

"Yeah?" She almost whispered.

"You need to learn when to breathe."

Sara chuckled. "I know, I know. It's just been...really hard." One tear broke through, releasing a tidal wave of them. "I hate coming home to an empty house. No dog. The house is losing your scent. And I've been spending a ridiculous amount of money on tissues!"

"I can imagine. Hank misses his mommy terribly!"

"What about you?" She was getting somewhat irritated.

"I'm sorry, honey. Of course I miss you, it's just I'm almost done and hopefully I'll be home—"

"Hopefully?" Sara's mind was reeling a mile a minute. "You said you'd be home a week ago!"

"Please don't be upset—"

"How can I not be upset? Did you just hear what I said? I pour my heart out to you and you make jokes of it. Turn it around on the dog. I can't believe you..." She found herself trying to catch her breath. "Is our long-distance marriage a game to you? Is this your midlife crisis or something? Because I'm not the only one to think your home needs you, too."

"Sara, I'm doing my best. I'm so close to wrapping this up. I should be home early next week—"

"Well, I might not be here when you get back."

Silence. Her ultimatum was met with dead silence.

"Honey," he pleaded, "please."

"No, Grissom. Remember the show "It's Me or the Dog?" Well, it's me or your job. You pick. Because frankly I love you, but apparently your job is more important. I can't believe this. We've been married almost four years and the whole time you've been away. I didn't sign up for this."

"Can't we talk about this?" Gil pleaded.

"No, I'm done talking. I've said enough for you to make your choice. Consider my ultimatum. I hope to see you soon." With that, Sara ended the call.

"How did my life get so messed up?" she asked to no one in particular.

**Weren't expecting that were you? Neither was I lol. Most of my stories go pretty smoothly, well not this one ;) Hope you liked it. Please leave some thoughts. Another part?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Third chapter in "Because I said so."**

Don't own CSI or Roseanne, only this plot :)

"How did things get so messed up?" Gil asked Hank. The dog was sitting at his feet. He lifted his head in response to his master's voice. As Gil removed his glasses and pinched the brim of his nose, he felt a paw on his foot. "Me? Is that your answer to my question? I'm the reason why things are messed up?" Hank continued to stare at him.

"You're right," Gil blew out a breath. "You're absolutely right." Grabbing the pillow off the couch, he fluffed it and set it behind his head. Since the conversation he thought would last until the time he had to leave only took five minutes, he had some time to think.

Rain pitter-pattered on the window sill. It was a gloomy day in Venice. If the weather could've predicted his predicament, gave him a warning sign. But no, he had it coming.

"I promised her I'd be home last week. I also promised her this would be the last trip for awhile. Little does she know...I just can't seem to keep any of my promises." Gil shook his head in disgust. Sara had taken multiple trips over the years to see him. She endured long flights only to visit with him a few days and then repeat the cycle. She'd suffered jet-lag more times than he'd been home in the past five years.

A squeak brought him out of his thoughts. Hank trotted over with a toy. Covered in slobber, Gil took it and started playing tug of war. Hank gave some growls of delight while keeping hold of the toy. It only took a rub behind the ears for Hank to release the toy into Gil's hand. "Your mommy gave you this." It was one of those dogs with an extremely long body. It was Hank's most recent birthday present from Sara. The day seemed like yesterday, only it had to be what, three or four months ago?

"Where has the time gone, bud? I've been across the world while your mom's been home. Home alone. Not even you to keep her company. Why am I still here? Why are we still here? Four years we've been traveling and not one time have we spent a real vacation together. I miss her. I miss waking up next to her. I miss hearing the happiness in her voice. I've hurt her." Hank licked his master's hand. "I know I need to make it up to her, but how? She thinks I'm having a crisis or playing jokes with our marriage. I can't believe she'd think that. After all it took for us to get together—then I go and screw it up." He could just slap himself. "We're going home today. No more work. I've wasted too much time, Hank. We're going home to spend the rest of our lives with mommy." Gil jumped up, the sudden movement scaring Hank. While Gil scrambled for his laptop, Hank scooted into his bed, away from any further disturbances.

As the rain continued to pour, Gil was reserving a seat on the next available flight. "I just needed an extra push or paw to snap me out of this...haze. Thanks, boy."

*Meanwhile, back in Vegas...*

Luckily it was Sara's off day. After the "fight" with Gil, a break was needed. She had a hard time falling asleep, which wasn't a totally unusual thing. Lately she had been going to bed later and later. Gil was worried, no concerned, about her well-being. _Gil._

"If he were here more often I would have a nice, warm body to fall asleep next to." A sob escaped her mouth. "What's wrong with me?" Sara headed for the bathroom. She grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. After blowing her nose she examined herself in the mirror. Bags under the red-rimmed eyes. Paleness in the cheeks. She looked like hell. The whole thing was inevitable. From the day Betty Grissom said their marriage wasn't what it should be..._Damn her._

"No, damn him!" An unsettling feeling caught Sara off guard. She steadied herself while holding onto the sink. She looked at her reflection again. Still pale. Turning her head away from the mirror she felt her head. "I do feel a little hot. Maybe I just need a drink. That'll hit the spot." She made her way to the kitchen. With a glass of wine in one hand and the remote in the other, Sara was ready for an afternoon of daytime TV and no thought of Grissom.

Halfway through Roseanne the weird feeling returned. With the sweat lining her brow, she v-lined for the bathroom. The vomiting of wine turned to dry heaving. Once steady, she sat up to wet a cloth for her face. Not wanting to look in the mirror, she did anyway. "Great, didn't know it was possible to look worse than before." She set the washcloth on the faucet. Realizing she hadn't shut the cabinet door, she bent down to do so. It was then the box caught her eye. She could recall the last time she used one of those. Of course Gil wasn't home. _Was he in Peru or Italy?_ She pushed the thought aside and closed the door. A bulb went off in her head. "Oh my god."

**Had to leave it there. I love being on the evil side for once ;) Was it ok with two perspectives?**


	4. Chapter 4

**~4~**

"An hour. Just an hour and I'll get to see her." Gil sat anxiously awaiting for his plane to land. Spending over twelve hours flying could drive a person insane. The familiar view helped to settle the uneasiness. He knew he needed an army, but he was hoping this surprise visit could make up for that. Strumming his fingers on his knee was doing nothing but add to his anxiety. He closed his eyes and envisioned the soothing sounds of Costa Rica...

Any calming effect would help Sara tremendously at this moment. Though she was having no such luck. She resorted to pacing up and down the hallway, waiting for the alarm to go off. _How could this be happening again? We used protection! At least I'm sure we did the first time. Maybe we didn't the second time... How am I supposed to be mad at him when all I want to do is crumble into his arms?_

A tick brought her out of her web of thoughts. After taking a deep breath and straightening her shoulders, Sara opened the bathroom door. It was lying on the countertop, just as the one had all those months ago. "Again, he's not here. Well, here goes nothing." The last time resulted in a negative. Mixed feelings, but more relief just because they were nowhere near ready. Now her heart was about to pound out of her chest. She picked up what could be their future.

"Pregnant."

She wanted to smile and jump for joy as she imagined most expectant mothers to do, but she was feeling the polar opposite. With the stick in her hand, she sat on the toilet seat. Her head fell in her hand. This was proving all too much for her. "I can't handle being alone right now. I need him. I want Gil." She let the stick drop in the sink. Her free hand found the box of tissues.

While blowing her nose, Sara thought back to how she left things with Gil. He'd have to come back. If not in a few days than a week, right? That was her ultimatum. She'd have to be gone by that time. "If he doesn't show up I'll call him." She laid a hand on her stomach. "What parents, huh? What a mom I'm going to make. Ohho, wait until you meet your grandma Betty," Sara chuckled. "We'll one thing's for sure, you will be loved."

_Almost there_. The taxi was seconds away. Gil clung to Hank as the car turned onto their street. Before the cab was set in park, Gil was flying out the door and opening the trunk. The driver hurried to assist him, but Gil held up his hand in resistance. Smiling, he paid the man and juggled Hank and his luggage to the front door.

Fussing for his keys he realized they were in the house. Her car was in the driveway. He imagined she'd have taken one or two nights off from the recent double. _Ah, what the hell._ After inhaling deeply, Gil rang the bell.

Sara thought she heard a noise. She turned the vacuum off and listened again. The doorbell! "Who the hell could that be?" She needed to keep busy to clear her head...or at least subdue her thoughts for the time being. She left the vacuum in an upright position and subconsciously fixed her hair. What awaited her at the front door left her speechless. All she could recall was her jaw dropping and her knees threatening to give way. As she headed for the pavement, Gil managed to catch her while maintaining control of Hank and his luggage.

"Whoa honey! You ok?"

He felt so good. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine." Sara ran a hand through her hair and looked at her husband. "So, you've made a decision I see."

"Yup, that I have. So did Hank. He also helped me realize home is where you are." He smiled and Hank rubbed his nose against Sara's leg.

"Hi boy!" Sara stepped aside to let Gil in. He set the luggage down and reached for her. She wrapped her arms around him and savored his smell. "I missed this."

"I know, me too." He pulled apart and looked into her eyes. "I'm so sorry, honey. We have a lot to talk about."

Sara gave the slightest smile. "That we do."

**Review please :) Also, for guest reviewers, if you could please log in if you have an account. I'd love to respond to everyone, but I can't if you're a guest :/**


	5. Chapter 5

**~5~**

"I was doing some cleaning. I wasn't expecting you." Sara unplugged the vacuum and set it in the closet. The whole time she could feel his stare. Gil was already seated on the couch with Hank at his feet. Sara breathed deeply and sighed at the rather awkward situation. _Stay strong. Don't appear weak. Can't cave yet. _She could see sorrow and hurt in Gil's eyes. They were usually full of life. He put on a small smile as he patted the cushion.

"Please sit, honey?"

After a second of contemplating, she made her way to the couch. Apprehensively she sat down. Acting this way was all wrong, but let him sweat just a little longer...

He cupped her hand in his. "I don't even know where to begin, Sara. You know I screwed up. I know it. Even Hank knows it. As lame and selfish as it sounds, I got caught up in my work. Being a CSI was great while it lasted, but traveling has been at the top of my bucket list. I guess I've been in this dream that's on a continuous loop. The worst part of it is you've been missing from that dream. I've been so self-centered, you traveling to see me and me sitting on my ass." He licked his lips. "What I'm trying to say is I've made one too many mistakes, including wasting too much time. I'm done traveling. I've missed my wife, seeing you smile and hearing your voice. I missed seeing you interact with Hank. I missed the three of us just being in one another's company. I'm ready to go back to the way things were."

Shock. Complete and utter shock. Most of the things she was glad to hear. She'd been waiting years for Gil to put her ahead of work. The last part threw her for a loop. Had they talked about a baby? No, not in so many words, but how he emphasized the three of them made her queasy. She remembered nodding her head while he spoke. She squeezed his hand when he made her feel all giddy inside. Wasting too much time gave her butterflies. Sitting on his ass made her grin. But never in a million years did she think she'd regret him saying he wanted what they _had_.

"Sara?"

No response.

"Honey?" He stroked her cheek. The sudden contact made her flinch. She inched back. Only had Gil ever seen her emotions do a turn around like this. It hadn't happened in a long time.

"I—I'm pregnant." Within an instant, Sara released her grip from Gil and headed for the stairs. She needed to lock herself in the bathroom. She knew the pregnancy test would comfort her. It did give her the positive result after all. As she climbed the steps, not once did she look back to see the disbelief on Gil's face. Nor did she stop when he called her name. She ran into the bathroom, slammed the door, and clenched the stick as she slid to the floor.

**Short, I know! The next chapter will be longer. Is this how you envisioned it would go? It's hard for Sara because she wants so badly to be mad at Gil, but can't because he is the man she loves. If I were her I'd be heartbroken. While Gil's barely had time to register his father-to-be status, his want for the past doesn't include a baby in the future. More soon!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I wanted to post another before Sandy…might lose power for a few days or the whole week. Who knows…Thanks so very much for the reviews and follows. It means a lot :) Any suggestions or things you'd like to see, let me know!**

~6~

She forgot to lock the door.

After contemplating whether or not Sara should be by herself or have some company, Gil chose the latter. He picked up the box of tissues and held it out to her. Barely making eye contact, she accepted a tissue and swiped her eyes. They were red. She was definitely crying on her way up the stairs. This broke Gil's heart. He wanted this reconciliation to be joyous not upsetting. _Hasn't she cried enough while I was gone?_

As if they were back in police headquarters, Gil took Sara's hand and in response she lowered her head.

"I'm sorry I told you that way. I planned on waiting for the right time, but not knowing if you'd be home or when you'd be home, it just came out. I have no control over my mood or what I say these days."

"Hey," he said. "It's ok. While I'm not completely over the shock, I think it's a good time to be calm and reasonable since I sure as hell haven't been recently."

"Yeah, but how I left things, I should've waited or at least not stormed off like a teenager. I tried sooo hard to stay mad at you, but it's true what people say. No matter how mad you are at someone, you'll never stay mad at the one you love."

Gil chuckled. "I was hoping to come into a battle free zone, especially having Hank at my side. You seemed upset at first, but for the most part you seemed to have put up a white flag. Not that I deserved it. For what it's worth, I'm glad you told me. I'd hate to be one of those expectant fathers who's doesn't find out immediately."

"I can never stay mad at you for long so you don't have to worry." Sara turned and hugged Gil. "Apologies aside. Truce? As long as you don't decide you want to go to Antarctica or something."

"I promise, dear. No more traveling. If I wanted to take a vacation you and Hank would come along. And of course the baby!" Gil added.

Sara's head perked up at the mention of the baby. It was the first time he actually said it. "How do you feel about it?"

"I'm happy. Shocked, but very happy. You know I'd want anything that's part of us. Especially something that we created during mind blowing sex!"

Sara's mouth opened in protest. She shoved Gil's shoulder, shaking her head at his humor. "We make love not mind blowing sex. Though it was mind blowing wasn't it?" She smiled.

"I missed this." Gil pointed to her smile.

"Me too. Now it's here to stay." With that, they remained on the bathroom floor. Gil reached over to kiss Sara when he felt something plastic under his fingers. He peered down to see he was leaning on Sara's pregnancy test. He held it up for her to see. She blushed. "I needed convincing after I ran off. I was imagining the look on your face. I thought I knew how you felt when you said you wanted just the three of us."

His hand remained grasped around the stick. "That was before I knew we were already pregnant. This baby," he put his hand on her stomach. "Is loved and has been since conception. I know we never talked about having a baby, but I'm glad the decision was made for us. Otherwise who knows where we'd be now."

**Nice, happy family...BUT I have some angst coming up. Not sure if that'd ruin it for anyone. Let me know your thoughts!**


	7. Chapter 7

**~7~**

It was a new day. The start of something new. While it was a bit cool this fall morning, Gil enjoyed walking Hank. The dog missed his familiar territory. Gil could relate.

Carefully opening and closing the door, Gil did his best not to wake Sara. She was exhausted. The recent stress couldn't be good for the baby. A baby. Knowing he and Sara were going to be parents made his heart beat faster. It brought a smile to his face.

Glancing at the clock it was almost noon. He let Sara sleep in. He took the liberty of calling Nick. Plans were set. Sara wouldn't have to be in until tomorrow night. Special occasion called for breakfast in bed. He would tell her then.

Blueberry pancakes, toast, fruit salad, and tea sat on a tray. The aroma made him hungry. Before setting the tray down he popped some grapes in his mouth. Quietly he slipped into bed next to her. She smelled so good. His arm draped over her side. His other hand stroked her hair. She stirred. "Morning."

"Morning. Sleep well?"

"Mmm-hmm." She yawned. Rubbing sleep from her eyes before kissing him. "You know how long I've waited for this?"

"Yes, because I've waited for it just as long." He returned the kiss. "I made us some breakfast." He set the tray in between them. She grabbed a fork and dug into the fruit. "Same appetite? I meant to ask you last night. Any sickness?"

"I threw up yesterday. First time, but I've been feeling sick. Also been pale, weepy, and emotional as if you couldn't tell."

"Was it after we talked?"

"Yeah. I think I worked myself up. Thought I could relax with some wine." Gil's eyes widened. "That's what made me sick—or at least what I thought at the time. Since then I've felt ok."

"That's good then, right? Not that a little wine could hurt, but better safe than sorry." He touched Sara's cheek. "I can't believe I put you through that. You had to find out by yourself. I'm sorry."

Her hand joined his. "Don't worry. I was upset at the time, but by you being here now everything's going to be ok."

Gil prompted, "So you took a test after you got sick?"

"Yup, low and behold. I really needed you and then you turn up on the doorstep." Sara laughed.

"I took the first flight out. After talking it out with Hank it all clicked. I'm serious by the way. I talked everything out and before I knew it I was on a plane. Longest thirteen hours of my life."

"Thank you." Sara suddenly grasped his hand.

"For what?"

"For enduring that plane ride on a whim."

"I should've done it a long time ago."

They were starting to settle back into their routine. Breakfast in bed was a treat for them, but Gil's cooking was daily. They each nibbled on everything. A peaceful quiet while they enjoyed each other's company. Gil set the tray aside when not a morsel remained. Sara accepted her mug of tea. Both chose apple cinnamon.

The aroma warmed Sara's insides. She felt good. Calming was what she needed. Here her husband had succeeded with the simplest task. His food never ceased to please her. She would remember savoring each bite. His blueberry pancakes were divine—

She coughed. Setting her mug on the nightstand, she put a hand over her mouth and headed for the bathroom. She could barely make out what Gil said. All she knew was she had to make it to the toilet. Just in time, she cringed at the thought of losing the good food she just consumed. There was so much—for her at least. Probably too much considering it had been a long time since she endured a meal like that. Hands formed circular motions on her back sending chills down her spine. Easing to a sitting position, she flushed the toilet. After wiping her mouth she faced Gil who was on his knees, ready to assist.

"Too much at one time."

"I take it it's been awhile since you had a full meal?"

She nodded her head. Gil gave her one of those looks that meant business. She was eating for two now. Her appetite had returned. Problem wouldn't be eating enough, instead being able to keep it down.

Gil brushed a stray piece of hair out of her eye and tucked it behind her ear. "Would you like a washcloth or a glass of water?" As she was about to say yes, the tests stopped her. She shook her head no. "I'm ok. I feel better actually. Maybe we can snuggle for a while longer? I just need to rinse my mouth out."

"Ok. I'll see you in a few." With that he kissed her forehead and closed the door.

She sighed and pulled her hair in a ponytail. The cabinet door burned into her eyes. She opened the door and removed the bin of feminine products. At the very bottom there were half a dozen pregnancy tests. Leftovers from last time. She hadn't told Gil of the negative test. After the first was negative there was no point in taking anymore. Since then the remaining tests lay covered.

The scare was months ago, but given the recent events, the guilt lingered. The fact that she hadn't told him weighed down, almost suffocating her. The times she almost told him she chickened out. It shouldn't be that hard. Technically she didn't have to even say anything..._No._ Not telling the whole truth was lying. It would eat her up if she continued to lie to his face. She decided right there, right now that she would tell him.

She swooshed some mouth wash and gave herself a nod in the mirror.

The room had brightened. Sunlight streaked through the blinds. Gil was scratching Hank's ears. The dog gave a yawn and plopped his head on the bed. "He missed that," Sara observed from the doorway.

"That he did," said Gil. He leaned back into the pillow and lifted the covers for Sara. She grinned and leaned into his shoulder as he brought the covers to her neck. "By the way, you have off tonight."

A puzzled look crossed Sara's face. "What did you do?"

"I called Nick and he had some strings pulled. D.B. had no problem rearranging the lineup. Apparently, he said you could use an off day. I know it's early, but you'll have to watch your hours. Too much work isn't good." He peered down and saw Sara was staring toward the window. "You still there?"

"Hmm?"

"I asked," He waved a hand in front of her face. "If you were still there. You wandered off into your own world."

"I was just thinking."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Sara..."

"Ok. I have something I've been meaning to tell you." His body shifted. All attention was on her.

"What is it?" She looked away. Her hands played with the comforter. After a breath, she lined her body parallel with his.

"A few months ago, when you were in Peru, I realized I was late."

His gaze never broke hers.

"I hadn't been feeling well. Pale, queasy, moody. I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. I uh started freaking out. I couldn't wait so I took a test."

"It was negative?" Gil asked.

"Yup."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" His voice was gentle.

"I—I don't know. I tried a bunch of times. I didn't know if you'd be mad that I went ahead without you—"

"Sara, I could never be mad at you. What I don't understand is why you would think that."

"Given our current situation I figured a baby was out of the question. You were thousands of miles away. I was here. Obviously if it was positive I would've told you because frankly I wouldn't have been able to wait and talk in person. Though it was negative so I guess I didn't think it was worth bringing up. Why open a can of worms, ya know?" She gave a nervous laugh.

Gil's eyebrows furrowed. He looked hurt and confused. "We tell each other everything. Even though you weren't pregnant you _thought_ you were. That's not something most people would blow off. I would've liked to know. You're my wife, my best friend. I would've liked to know what you went through, not necessarily at that moment, but at least when I came home." He paused. "Were you relieved that it was negative? Or were you upset?

She pondered her answer. "Honestly, I was relieved. We weren't ready. We were so set in our long distance marriage it wouldn't have been the right time. But I was disappointed. I was almost positive I was. I thought it would bring you home. I thought it could be something that brought spark back into our lives." Sara shrugged. The tears she tried so desperately to hold back started to fall. She used the back of her hand to wipe them away. "I'm so sorry I never told you.

You deserved to know."

Another tissue was handed to her. Seemed all she was good for was crying.

"Of course I forgive you, honey. I just...why now? What brought this on?"

"This." She waved her arms. "What we've gone through the past couple of days. And yesterday...yesterday you were so upset. I lost track of how many times you apologized. Then this morning after I got sick you offered to get me a rag. In the cabinet I have like six pregnancy tests from the last time and...it made me feel guilty. Even after you came all this way and made amends, I treated you like this. It would've been hypocritical to continue lying. I didn't want you to see the tests and get the wrong idea. _I'm_ the one acting like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Sara. I could understand why you wouldn't tell me, but I just wish you had. Regardless of what it is, you shouldn't be afraid to tell me anything. We promised we'd be honest with each other and I'd like to keep it that way."

"I'm just so sorry." She sniffed. He cupped her face. His thumb swiped at a falling tear.

"I think this is a good time to _really_ start fresh, hmm? From now on we tell each other anything and everything."

"Sounds like a plan, Gil."

"Ok." He smiled. He brought a hand to her stomach. "We need to get this little one checked out."

"Since I don't have to worry about going in, maybe I can get an appointment." Sara's eyes lit up in excitement.

"Sounds like a plan, Sara."

**I was finally able to write a long chapter! Up next is their first sonogram (will lead to Sara meeting a certain somebody) Hope everyone liked what I considered to be some angst. Believe me, I was planning a lot worse ;) Update sometime this week.**


	8. Chapter 8

**~8~**

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Dr. Tristan apologized. She rolled her chair in front of Sara, with chart and pen in hand.

"It's ok." Sara smiled.

The doctor set aside her notes and observed, "I take it this is Gil?"

Sara patted Gil's knee and he stood to shake hands with Dr. Tristan. "Yes, I'm Sara's husband. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too. Sara's told me so much about you. It's nice to have you here." The chart was back in her hands and she flicked through some pages. Peering down she commented, "So, the last time I saw you was almost a year ago. What brings you back?"

"Well, for the past couple of weeks I've been feeling sick. Pale complexion, mood swings, and the fact that I'm late." She paused. "I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive."

Dr. Tristan continued to scribble. After making some adjustments, she said, "Ok, well from your symptoms I'd say you're pregnant. When was your last period?"

Sara was never one to have a regular cycle. Normally she was consistent, with the exception of a few days here and there, but the past few months were just off. "Three months ago. I think it was July 7th—" she hesitated. The thought crossed her mind. Considering it was no longer a secret, she continued, "I uh had a pregnancy scare four months ago. I experienced the same symptoms, but got a negative result. Shortly after I got my period, which is why I never bothered to come in."

"Sara, relax! I could see you hesitating. It's ok to be nervous, but please, feel free to say anything you'd like." Dr. Tristan smiled and patted Sara's shoulder. Sara blushed and turned to Gil. He nodded his head in encouragement. "While this isn't dire info, it plays a part in the timeline. It could give us a sense as to why your period's been irregular recently. Do you think the reason as to why you were late last time could be the reason why you're late this time?"

Both Gil and Sara shook their heads.

"Ok then," Dr. Tristan chuckled, "how about we draw some blood and take a sonogram? That way we'll know what we're dealing with. There wouldn't be a need to address your last period unless necessary."

"Sounds good to me," Sara said.

"Give me one minute and I'll be right back."

* * *

"You'll get the results before you leave." The nurse smiled as she took the blood sample to be processed. Sara then rolled down her sleeve.

"All done with that, let's move to the fun part! If you could lift your shirt and slide down your pants a bit." Sara did so then reached for Gil's hand. Out of habit, he placed his other hand over hers. A squirt of gel was applied on Sara's abdomen. It made Sara jump slightly, causing Sara and Gil to laugh. The doctor recalled how all women act like that the first time. After some movement of the wand, a figure could be seen on the screen.

Sara's breath caught in her throat. She could feel Gil inch closer to her. He brought their enclosed hands up to his mouth and kissed them. A tear trickled down Sara's cheek. She was completely mesmerized, unable to wipe it away.

"There's your baby. Around 12 weeks, I'd say. We'll know for certain with the blood results. Everything looks perfect, as it should be. To ensure proper growth and development, Sara, you need to start taking prenatal vitamins as well as maintain a well-balanced diet and regular exercise. I have pamphlets, as I'm sure you'll go out and buy some baby books." Dr. Tristan handed Sara and Gil some booklets. "Now I know it's early, but there are some things we need to discuss. Your age puts you at risk. Tests such as amniocentesis and chorionic villus can be performed to rule out disorders such as Down-Syndrome or sickle-cell anemia. We'll also have to monitor for high blood pressure. But as long as you take your vitamins, eat healthy, exercise, and take it easy, you'll have a smooth pregnancy. Are there any questions?"

"No, no I think we're ok for now." Sara was surprised to hear her own voice. It was hard for her to look away from their baby. She peaked at Gil who was doing the same thing.

"Great. I'll get you some copies and the blood results, not that we'll learn anything new. I'll just be a moment and then we can schedule your next appointment. I usually see patients once a month in the beginning then up it to twice a month as the due date approaches." Sara and Gil nodded their heads. "The shock never really goes away, but you'll always cherish this moment." Dr. Tristan gave them each a pat on the back then left the room. "I almost forgot…congratulations!"

Even after Dr. Tristan left them alone, they remained hand-in-hand with one another. Regardless of how long they knew of this pregnancy and how comfortable they already felt with it, seeing their baby for the first time gave them jitters. They would remember what the doctor said. You only get to see your baby for the first time once. The prospect of becoming parents will never leave. This would always be a day to remember.

**Sara meets up with one from the team next…I think it may be the last chapter :/**


	9. Chapter 9

**~9~**

Sara was relieved to catch up with Nick after shift. The case she just wrapped was a doozy. She needed a hot meal and someone to talk to. Nick was that person. Besides, she had some important news to tell him.

After the doctor's appointment, she and Gil decided to have a nice meal at home. The first thing they did was tell Hank he was without a doubt getting a younger sibling. From the wag of his tail, they could tell he was excited. They fed him then Gil prepared his famous spaghetti with clam sauce. It was consumed in less than ten minutes. Sara made some tea and they settled down to watch a movie. It was a perfect way to end the day.

"Sara?"

Unaware that someone was talking to her, her heart skipped a beat. She turned around to Nick. "Oh, hey Nick! I was looking for you. Wanna grab some breakfast?"

"Sure. Let me grab my coat then we'll be on our way!"

They had yet to step foot near Frank's, so the duo chose another diner nearby. They sat in a booth and placed their usual orders.

"So, I heard you had a tough case," Nick said.

"It was horrible. Sorority girl murdered. Made to look like a suicide. The "sorority mother" did it out of rage. I—I'd rather not get into it. Brings back memories if you know what I mean."

"Man, I'm sorry. I hate reliving old cases. It's the worst." Nick shook his head. He _really_ wondered how Sara was doing. Aside from the case, were she and Griss doing ok? Cases like this always pushed her buttons and wound her up, but lately she'd been distant. Like before, she was out of it. Her breakdown had only occurred a few days ago. Since then, she looked under the weather and acted like she was hiding something. Something big that screamed for an explanation.

A plate of eggs and bacon was placed in front of him and a bowl of oatmeal with toast was placed in front of Sara. They thanked their waiter and began eating. Unable to take a second bite, Nick decided to ask, "Are things ok with you and Grissom? I don't want to pry, but you've been acting un-Sara-like and it's worrying me."

With wide eyes, Sara finished chewing and swallowed. She took a sip of her orange juice. Her lips were dry so she licked them before speaking. "We're perfectly fine. He came home and since then we've done a lot of talking—about us and our current situation. He's here to stay. Permanently stay." She watched Nick's eyes bulge, clearly shocked.

"Really?"

"Really." She smiled as she took another sip of juice.

Nick contemplated what he was going to say. To buy some time, he took a sip of his coffee. "Well, that's a surprise. I mean that's great, but from how you've been acting, I would've thought he wasn't home and you were still trying to cope."

Sara wondered how much Nick knew. "Oh, I didn't know I was acting a certain way."

"Sara please, don't lie to me or try to act differently. Since I found you crying in your office you've been…distant. We've rarely spoken until today—well apart from cases. No offense, but you look like hell. And frankly, you're hiding something. I thought we were best friends. I thought we told each other when something's wrong. You haven't done that—"

"Wait, Nick." Sara couldn't believe her ears. She knew she looked like hell and she knew she'd been distant, but she felt the breath leave her lungs when Nick accused her of hiding something. Ok, technically she was hiding something, though it wasn't something bad. "I'm sorry. You're right about everything you've said, but what I'm hiding isn't bad. The only reason I haven't said anything is because I just got it confirmed yesterday—"

"You're not sick, are you? Is Griss ok?"

"I'm pregnant!" Sara felt a wave of relief flood her.

"You're…pregnant?"

"Three months. We went to the doctor yesterday."

"Wow, that's great! Congrats! I thought one of you was sick or something. Trust me, you weren't acting pregnant. I thought it was something worse." He took her hand. "You're happy though? I know that Grissom's home, but you're happy about being pregnant?

"Yes, very. Nick…I'm sorry. Gil came home and it caught me by surprise. I took a test before he got home, and how I told him, let's just say I could've broke it to him gentler." She chuckled. "I had a feeling I was pregnant, but I wanted to have it confirmed. It's been a crazy couple of days."

"You could say that again." Nick smiled as he shook his head.

"I thought you were going off your rocker," Sara mused.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, but I had no choice. You're a very secretive person, Sidle."

"I know. Now that everything's in the open, I'll try not to hide things, especially where one of my best friends is concerned."

"Deal." Nick patted Sara's hand and chugged the rest of his coffee. "Now I see, you didn't order any coffee. Very unlike you."

"I'm not totally going off the stuff, but I'll do my best to limit my intake. A woman needs her coffee! This job and these hours demand it!"

"Oh I know. Caffeine gets me through life." Nick pulled some bills from his wallet. Sara held up her hand in protest. He moved her hand aside. "It's on me."

"Thanks Nicky."

They waiter took the check. Sara slipped some singles while Nick's back was turned. "Sara," Nick said sternly.

"You could at least let me tip the guy." She slid out of the booth and stood beside Nick.

"Ok, fine."

Sara tried to hide her smile. With purse in hand, she started for the door. At the last second, Nick put a hand on her shoulder. Turning around, she had a puzzled look. Without warning, he hugged her. "I'm really happy for you, Sar." Though he couldn't see, she gave a big smile.

**As of now this story is complete. I will leave it "in-progress" in case I have time to add to it at a later time. My other ongoing story needs tending to. Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate those who followed and continued to review. I also appreciate your suggestions. For those I didn't take, maybe I will for my next story. Watch for this space in the future! I hate odd numbers (9 especially) so I might have to find time to add to this :)**


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